aka: And Says the F-Word A Lot
aka: (But Not at the Same Time)
My wish was not granted and I’M TOTALLY OKAY WITH IT.
But let’s back up a little bit. So, last week you all witnessed a little bit of a breakdown. I was having a bad week. My cat has cancer and I’m sleep deprived. But I’m feeling much better now, thank you for asking. And this episode was not terrible. David took his clothes off, which helped. And I didn’t want to slap this bride. So either the editing is getting better, or this bride was … dare I say it … a normal, rational human being.
My only massive problem with this bride was this:
Either I had some really bad timing with my screen grabs this week or this bride blinks A LOOOOOT. So I’m sorry in advance, but pretty much at least 70% of my pictures of the bride look like this.
Okay, let’s back up.
This is Debbie and Daniel, the Traveling Teacher couple because …. yep, they are both teachers and they love to travel. They want a travel theme wedding.
In the words of Tuts …. “Booooooooring. It’s like going to history class.”
The groom likes the travel theme and says he wants the centerpieces to all be different foods, like chips and salsa or hummus, instead of the bride’s tree branches. The bride is like, no. She wants something more formal.
The groom wants their seating place cards to be attached to beers.
The groom thinks the beers will be a great conversation starter.
The room is amused at the thought of this.
Next we see the bride in her dress, and one of her bridesmaids wearing her dress.
David mentions the bridesmaid looks pregnant because apparently he was RAISED BY WOLVES OR SOMETHING. The number one rule of women is never ask if they are pregnant.
He rewinds the tape to see what the bridesmaid says.
Tutera leaves the planning in the capable hands of the Tuteraettes and boards his private jet.
Hey Tutera, do you remember what it was like to be among the 99%?
So either the bride missed her calling as an actress, or the editing has gotten a lot better, or they were actually surprised by David’s arrival. Either way, I give this portion of the show a gold star. (Teacher reference. Oh nevermind.)
So David goes on to ask them about their travel themed wedding and wants to find out how adventurous they are …
… by feeding them some, um, exotic cuisine.
David, you’re not allowed to make a face. This was your idea!
David sets the example and tries a tasty silkworm.
At some point David announced that he doesn’t get paid enough for this, which is SO NOT TRUE.
They decide to not serve bugs at their wedding.
Then David asks about their wedding style and the bride again says she wants traditional and the groom says he thinks the first dance is forced and awkward. Then David asks their thoughts on walking down the aisle, and Debbie does her best impression of how she expects her groom to walk out.
Then the bride says her dad passed away so her mom will walk her down the aisle. David asks if there was anything special she used to do with her dad and she says they would always go to this little diner for their father-daughter time. I have a feeling this is going to come up again later, y’all!
Next we see David and Debbie and her mom at an airport hanger.
Oh yeah, the theme of this episode is BOOZE. My new drinking game should be “take a drink every time you see David take a drink” because you’d be SLOSHED by the end of the episode.
So David’s like, your dress is gross, I’m changing it. But the bride loves it and promises David that she’s going to come out in her dress and “sashay your pants off.” I’m guessing that’s the champagne talking.
When David gets mom alone, he asks about the groom. “He’s a groomzilla.” HAHA. Mom tells it like it is.
Check your pants, because here comes our bride.
David, unfazed and still bepants, David calls out three models wearing, of course, David Tutera for Mon Cheri gowns.
The bride looks at them and says, “Naw, I like my dress, but thanks.”
So David pulls the this-is-my-TV-show card and says if she doesn’t try on at least two of the dresses, he’ll walk. Ooooooooooh snap.
Naturally the bride agrees because otherwise this would be a really short and anticlimactic episode.
Mom likes dress #1.
Dress #2 is just okay.
The bride changes back and we see her bridesmaids in new dresses.
Then, pretty much completely ignoring the bridesmaids, David tells the bride that her wedding will take place in this airport hanger.
Despite this face, she is really happy about it.
Next we visit something called the Dance Doctor. Oh man, I feel like this is not going to end well.
David tells Daniel that they are getting lessons for their first dance.
Daniel is really bad at dancing and David gets all dramatic about it.
Then, as if sensing there is someone in the room being more dramatic than him, Daniel suddenly walks out.
So David’s like, Dude, what’s up? And Daniel says the dancing just isn’t for him.
So then David tells Daniel his grand master plan is to surprise the bride with a Flash Mob at their wedding.
Daniel contemplates this and agrees this sounds awesome, and goes back in.
Next, for some reason we see David having drinks with an old friend from his childhood, Sandra Taylor …
…. Who just happens to have boobs for days.
David’s gossiping about his crazy groom because that’s a totally ethical thing for wedding planners to do.
And, as if right on cue, the groom calls.
Daniel complains about something that’s never really made clear, so David tells him where he is and invites him to meet up with him.
That was quick.
Daniel complains about this dancing thing, and Sandy tells Daniel he has to grow some cojones.
Apparently this was what the groom needed to hear. Then they all had some drinks and lived happily ever after.
(By the way, you know I looked up Sandy on IMDB. Some of her work includes being the March 1991 Pet of the Month in Penthouse, and the July 1995 Playboy cover girl. She was also in that New Years Eve movie; anyone see that? I thought so.)
It’s wedding day!
David is falling over with excitement.
David tells the girls he’s dizzy because he’s on a diet and fasting and really hungry.
And now it’s time for a new segment called Mindy Puts on Her Serious Hat for a Second.
David. Seriously? Starving yourself? Not only are you doing serious important work right now and should be in tip-top mental shape for that, but you’re setting the worst possible example for your viewers, who I’m guessing most of which are in the coveted 18-40 age demographic and are susceptible to celebrities who promote crash dieting. It’s really not funny. I’m disappointed in you, Tuts. For reals.
Okay, serious hat is off.
It’s right about this time where David realizes he is doing a wedding at an airport where, you know, lots of super loud airplanes are flying around?
Then David’s like “WTF are these, I wanted rose bushes.”
And, “This fruit cluster is too moundy-poundy, I hate it.”
Dang, David! Dropping f-bombs all over the place. You are cranky when you’re angry. Eat a Snickers or something.
David puts on his best non-cranky face for the bride and her entourage.
Then David leaves the girls to get dolled up.
We get a glimpse of some of the wedding decor. This is some kind of Moroccan room, I’m guessing? Personally I could do without the camel painting. It’s trying too hard.
David approves of this non all-mango fruit display.
This table looks Moroccan as well. Is this a travel themed wedding or a travel-to-one-country-only wedding?
Alissa, the main Tuteraette, returns from driving all over Southern California to get David his roses.
And then helps him pick out an outfit. Do you really need someone to tell you that the purple shirt goes best with the purple tie and purple stripped jacket, David?
WHOA WHOA WHOA.
TRUE CONFESSIONS: I may have rewound this part a few times.
An hour before the wedding, Alissa speaks to air traffic control.
The dresses are pretty, but I’m not sure how they fit with the theme. Pan Am stewardess style dresses would have been cute. (I should totally be a wedding planner.)
I completely understand the uniqueness of the venue and how it fits into the theme, but this is probably one of the ugliest wedding locations I have ever seen on this show. What *I* would have done is set up the ceremony in a different hangar so it could be decorated all pretty-like with draping and lighting and such.
OMG – A PLANE.
David looks so mad, you guys.
Awwww. David was faking us with his annoyed face. (You guys, I admit – I totally fell for it.)
The couple loves their airplane banner thingy.
Now it’s time for the reception reveal, which is conveniently located right next to the ceremony spot.
The bride notices that a section of the reception is styled like a diner and named after her father, and she starts to cry, which is totally acceptable. I’m so moved, I won’t even make you take a shot (but you still can if you want to).
Looks like we have Asia and Africa covered. But really, who likes to travel to Europe or South America, anyway.
The guests are let in and we get a veryquickglimpse of the adorable cupcakes.
It looks like they have “A+” written on them! So cute! Too bad this is the last we see of them.
David expresses concern that the groom may be too drunk to do the first dance.
David’s concerns are proven to be well founded when we see the groom boop his bride’s nose.
But there was nothing to worry about because they danced splendidly!
Then David cues the Flash Mob and a bunch of people rush the dance floor.
And the bride was like, Who are all these strangers at my wedding?
Seriously, that’s how the show ended. A bunch of strangers were hired to crash the wedding and do the Flash Mob, and that’s our big finale. Is that impressive? For one, I would have HATED this if it happened at my wedding. It’s weird and creepy and has nothing to do with traveling or teaching. How would you feel about it?
I think this episode may be my favorite so far this season after the Burlesque Bride. The bride wasn’t snobby and the “groomzilla” wasn’t even THAT bad. But I’m still really hating this manufactured drama. “Okay, you don’t want to do the first dance, but for the episode we’re going to make it look like it’s a REALLY REALLY big deal that you don’t want to do the first dance, or the money dance, or tell your dad you’re already married.” It’s all so obviously fake that it’s distracting from why people really love this show, which is to see these over-the-top weddings come to life. And now we are completely missing out on that.
Tell me your thoughts in the comments, after you enjoy this week’s Faces of David.