My Fair Wedding: Unveiled
aka: I Hate Reality TV Personalities
Oh, this episode. This was such a fitting episode for the season finale, probably series finale, of this show. If you think brat bride Rachel, who apparently was on Big Brother (twice) and Amazing Race, is a natural drama queen, just wait until you meet mom and sis.
This is Brendon and Rachel, or “Brenchel” *vomit*
David asks of his Tuteraettses, “Do any of you watch these shows?”
Poor Kristen is the only one who will admit it.
Brendon and Rachel want a unique, blingy wedding. She says her favorite color is glitter, and for a second I think that maybe would could possibly be besties, if it weren’t for her grating personality.
They also have a dog in a T-shirt and NO furniture.
David gives his advice about dealing with reality TV show stars (because he would know): “Lie to them about the time because they are always late, make them think they are the stars of the show, and bow down to them.”
David “surprises” his couple at the W Hotel in Los Angeles, where he is greeted by a mostly nekkid Rachel.
Rachel tells David her dream wedding would be at the Arctic Circle under the aurora borealis.
Rachel likes to hear herself talk, but mom and sis are just as bad. Is there anything worse than the unreasonably entitled relative of a D-list celebrity?
Rachel tells David she’s freaking out about their last conversation because she feels she hasn’t had enough time to talk about her vision for her wedding. She can’t stop talking about the aurora borealis and suggested maybe the Griffith Observatory in L.A. David interrupts her and says they don’t do weddings. Rachel doesn’t understand.
Next we meet up with David and Rachel and her crew to try on bridal gowns. But not just plain old boring white bridal gowns. Rachel needs something with some SPARKLE.
Dress #1 is a little too short.
Dress #2 is longer, and ombre (!), but Rachel isn’t really feeling it for her wedding.
Dress #3 is the clear winner.
Next we meet up with our couple at some kind of circus school.
David wants them to make some kind of grand entrance to the reception. They try the silk sheets things.
David is not so sure about this.
Then the bride tries the hanging hoop thing.
David’s gonna think about it.
Next David meets up with his couple at a dance studio, where they are learning a choreographed first dance.
They confess they need a little work, since Brendon dropped Rachel on her head earlier.
The bride changes into her special dancing dress and off they go!
David is all, okay …. first of all, your boobs are popping out.
She says it’s because they are too big and David says “You get what you pay for.” :-O
She responds with, “I know.
Then she begs David to tell her where the venue will be. Did he get the Griffith Observatory? The wedding is in, like, OMG, two days and no one will tell her where her wedding will be held. David is like, hello, have you seen my show?
Rachel is shocked … SHOCKED… that she is being treated this way.
Poor Rachel seems really disappointed her wedding is not at the Griffith Observatory, even though she was told over and over and over that they don’t do weddings.
But she seems to perk right up when she sees her sparkly gown.
The bridesmaids all got their own sparkly gowns …
… and so does mom!
During hair and makeup, something weird is happening.
Mom is grumpy about her makeup, and Rachel is BEING NICE to the makeup artist, telling her she is doing a really great job.
Ooooooh, I see. It’s because Rachel is drinking her happy juice.
As we get closer to the ceremony starting, everyone is dolled up and very sad looking.
But when this guy walks in with a tray of jewelry, suddenly everyone perks right up!
After throwing a fit about it, even mom gets some bling.
Next we cut to Brendon, writing his vows on his arm.
The wedding is FINALLY starting. The groom gives low fives as he makes his way to the alter. He has confused his wedding with the start of a basketball game.
But, omg, where’s the bride?
I guess our bride was taken by helicopter and then flown around for a bit and then brought back to the venue? This was confusing.
OKAY – This room is pretty awesome.
Even the weird abstract cupcake holder is awesome.
Rachel especially likes the glittery dance floor. I’m telling you, we could have been BFFs, in another alternate universe.
Rachel changes and prepares to greet her guests in her hanging hoop.
Mom can’t believe it.
There were SO many reality “stars” at this wedding, like … this girl ….
… and that guy ….
… and of course, BOPPER was there.
Now it’s time for our couple to do their awful dance.
Wow, it’s SO BAD. That dance was SO. BAD.
But they don’t care ….
But then, a couple hours later, David gets some unfortunate news.
The bride is drunk. And crying.
So her sister-in-law, seemingly all too familiar with this scene, swoops Rachel up and carries her away.
THE END. FOREVER. Probably.
Oh wow, this season is over. This show is probably over. This very well could be my last My Fair Wedding recap. In a way I feel free. But it’s also kind of sad. Despite how dreadful this season turned out to be, I will forever love David and all his faces.