When you think of a Bridezilla you might envision a crazed, control hungry woman foaming at the mouth over minor wedding details, leaving everyone in her path quaking in their boots.
I wanted to write about why being coined a Bridezilla is silly and in many circumstances totally untrue.
As a bride to be, I’ve read my fair share of blogs, articles, and forums and lots of them are about out of control brides. I’m sure you might’ve seen them, too. A few stories have gone viral with horrible tales of brides wanting their guests to pay for their destination weddings, giving bridesmaids an insane list of demands, or fattening up bridesmaids due to jealousy.
I don’t want to imply that this behavior is okay or even acceptable. I do want to take a step back and analyze why these women felt that they had to do such drastic things to have a beautiful wedding.
The wedding industry and its shiny white world is pretty harsh and ready to feed your insecurities. My feeling is that most brides labeled Bridezillas are feeling the pressure to have the most perfect magazine worthy day. They want that viral tablescape, the impeccably choreographed first dance, and the most Pinterest-worthy cake. It’s a lot to live up to, and some can’t handle that stress and it comes out in the wrong ways.
As I’ve been planning, I was approached by the producers of a television show featuring “brides behaving badly.” I never found out how or why they got my name or phone number, but they hounded me and only left me alone when I said I had to postpone my wedding due to a death in the family. After that they lost all interest in me, much to my relief. I never wanted to be on the show but I was definitely curious how they picked their guests. In my mind no amount of money was worth being on a show that’s heavily edited to portray women at their worst. It was obvious they really wanted to encourage drama.
Not only was I not willing to be televised in a bad light, but I also had never had a tantrum or had made any demands on anyone in my wedding party or family. I just didn’t fit the kind of person they wanted. I will gladly admit I do have a very clear vision for my wedding, but I also know where the limits lie.
My take on this modern day term is that most Bridezillas are simply overwhelmed by the pressure to have a perfect wedding.
Its okay to be a Type A personality. I think it’s actually really helpful to know exactly what you want! I know nobody wants to be labeled something hurtful. There are always going to be people who take things too far, but having strong feelings and clear-cut opinions on what you want for your wedding doesn’t make you bad, it makes you prepared!
If you’re feeling overwhelmed during planning and think you’re turning into someone you don’t recognize, step back and find ways to decompress. Ask your family, bridal party, or partner for help or just a little time to let you vent.
Perhaps you’re feeling the opposite — maybe you’re afraid to voice your opinions for fear of coming across too strong and being labeled a Bridezilla. My advice is to find your voice and gently but firmly get your ideas across to your planners, family, etc. Don’t be afraid to speak up because it *IS* your big day and you should have it your way!
Ladies, let’s lift each other instead of tearing each other down. Wedding planning is often a difficult, long process that takes a lot of energy. It might not always be easy, but being a bride is a wonderful experience so focus on the good things!