aka: I mean, really hates them.
The bride’s sister makes a joke about the dress and the room concurs.
“We take delight in your poor taste!”
Next we see David talking with the groom and his groomsmen, and David realizes this 1940s thing the groom has going on is NO JOKE.
David has gathered everyone here to listen to John sing.
… Tell us how you really feel, David.
As soon as the guys have left the room and are out of earshot …
“Those guys really like The Fourties.”
OMG, DAVID! SCANDALOUS! Good thing you created all that fake drama before you dropped that bomb on us.
Next we check in with the ladies for some cocktails.
And this girl is all, “Yep, totally.” And does her best mermaid impression (I think).
Joelle feels betrayed by her friends …
Also, David admits he’s kind of drunk on champers. Drunk David = my favorite kind of David.
The bride agrees to see some new dresses.
Joelle likes the style but doesn’t like the color. Next!
Joelle likes the color (because this color is sooooooooooooooo different than the first dress) but doesn’t feel it’s vintage enough.
David has a brainstorm and then gets a little grabby.
OMG! So much better!
Congrats Alissa! You can now add “awkward-bridesmaid-gown-under-the-butt-holder” to your resume.
Next Joelle is told her gown is being changed and she’s super happy, despite talking about how much she loves her gown in her video. So, okay.
Aside from constraining the puppies a bit better, the gown looks pretty amazing. Of course it’s a gown from David’s new line with Mon Cheri.
Now David meets his couple at a restaurant to sample some 1940s style hors d’oeuvres.
OR SO THEY THINK.
David’s all, “Remember that time you LIED to your DAD about getting MARRIED???”
DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!
So Joelle confesses to dad that they are totally married already, and breaks down. (So take a shot!)
And dad’s like, IDGAF.
Whew! Thank goodness that manufactured conflict was peacefully resolved.
It’s the morning of the wedding! And our bride shows up with her special little poop machine, err, I mean, ring bearer.
OKAY, I admit this fashion is top-notch fabulous. No sarcasm here.
The bride likes it, too.
Everyone is also given some delicious mermaid inspired jewelry. How can I get my paws on this prettiness?
Can I also just say how great all these brides look WITHOUT make-up? Seriously ladies, stop wasting your time and money layering on the face goop. Y’all are naturally gorge!
Time for a quick check-in at the reception space.
We see a Tuteraette about to be swallowed whole by this pearl tsunami.
If you ever have to ask the question, “How many pearl strands is too many?” – This is the answer.
David reviews the centerpiece and has an issue.
With a spider mum. David talks about how his dad ran a funeral home (???? and also !!!!) and David thinks spider mums are “funeral flowers.” He then forces the blond Tuteraette to smell it and demands her to say it smells like a funeral.
And then he throws all the spider mums on the ground.
David really hates spider mums, you guys. With the kind of passion that most people generally reserve for someone like Hitler.
Meanwhile, the bride tries in vain to get her ring bearer to go potty before the ceremony, to avoid any unfortunate accidents. Because that’s how dogs work.
David pays the groom a visit and – surprise! – he’s going to let him sing!
The groom’s reaction is, I kid you not, “Hot dog!” *dies*
Oh! But you have to rehearse RIGHT NOW.
A sacrificial bridesmaid is given the task of holding the poop monster.
Looks like they both made it down the aisle without incident.
And, OMG, more pearls.
This Downtown LA venue is dope.
But I could do without the chain link fence. Really?
After ceremony, the couple gets a look at their reception space.
They’re everywhere …
Mermaid centerpieces …
Mermaids on your menus ….
Mermaids on the dance floor …
Mermaids on the band …
DAVID, LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!
HOW DO YOU LIKE ALL YOUR MERMAIDS???? THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.
And also, pearls. ALL THE PEARLS.
Dear guests, don’t look now, but these half naked women are going to watch you eat cake and do the Chicken Dance.
I have no idea what’s happening here.
Cake cutting. And, again, the cake looks amazing, too bad we didn’t get a good look at it.
Oh, the tension! Will he sing goodly? Or not?
She loves it!
Tuts loves it! Take a bow, dear sir!
And go get you some!