Last night, thousands of nerds willingly sat through Monday Night Football to be the first ones to watch the final Star Wars: The Last Jedi trailer. And then some of us cried for a little bit and then stayed up all night analyzing every single frame.
The trailer was, of course, nothing short of spectacular. After viewing, I immediately jumped onto the Internet to be among my people and it didn’t take long for the theories to come flying.
But before we get into anything too serious and meaningful, let’s run through my initial reactions to a few scenes. Warning: Lots of CAPS RANTS ahead.
Okay so it’s my understanding The Last Jedi takes place immediately after The Force Awakens so what the heck is going on here? Starkiller Base was just destroyed so what is Kylo Ren overseeing here? How many construction crew members does the Empire employ? Do they just have these backup space stations waiting for when the Rebels destroy one? I mean, that would be smart seeing as how we are on Death Star number 4 at this point. But how are they built so quickly? How come the Rebels aren’t detecting them? Where do they get the funding? A lot of troubling questions right out of the gate.
Rey is being trained by Luke, we already knew that. But before we see her we hear the voice of Snoke saying “When I found you I saw raw untamed power, and beyond that, something truly special.” IS HE TALKING TO KYLO OR REY???
What is she looking at? Is this some kind of Raiders of the Lost Arc thing?
This shot is just badass.
YO this girl is causing earthquakes and stuff! Luke is not having it.
Luke’s hand popping out of the burning wreckage …. like DAISIES!
So basically Luke tells Rey her power reminds him of Kylo and we see a flashback to Kylo destroying the Jedi Training Academy (I assume). Then Luke was like “I can’t hang with you,” and Rey looks sad.
Basically me at this point:
So now we see Kylo and we hear him saying “Let the past die,” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? In the first movie he looked at the Vader mask and said “I will finish what you started,” ARE THESE TWO LINES CONNECTED SOME HOW???
It appears Kylo still has some anger issues. I guess murdering your dad doesn’t solve everything, DOES IT BEN?
WHAT IS THIS? Some kind of Tie Fighter x Millennium Falcon hybrid?!?
Ohmygod, no …
NO NO NO I SWEAR TO GOD IF KYLO KILLS LEIA TOO I AM SO DONE WITH THIS FRANCHISE.
Wait …. is this …
Is this an entire planet made of KYBER CRYSTALS?!?!?! And why are they glowing red? THIS IS NOT GOOD.
Oh hey ….
How you doin’ …
Wow, this looks like the Rebel base and things do not seem to be going well.
Don’t forget about Finn and Phasma. They are still around.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT IS THIS?!?! ICE FOX?!?!?!??!?!
As we hear Luke say “This is not going to go the way you think.” Well, okay ….
… I guess this is the part of the trailer where I start crying.
Okay but seriously, how are they building these huge facilities so quickly? I mean, it’s taking three years to build Star Wars Land and that’s just 14 acres.
Okay so apparently Snoke *is* Force-sensitive and apparently Rey pissed him off.
Rey: “I need someone to show me my place in all this.”
THE END. (Until December.)
Whew, okay everyone, let’s just take a moment to calm down.
First of all, Star Wars trailers have to be the most overly analyzed movie trailers in the history of time. So of course the filmmakers are not going to give away the movie in the trailer. They are smarter than that.
So based on that logic:
No, Luke will not give up on Rey.
No, Kylo will not kill Leia.
No, Rey will not turn to the Dark Side.
BUT WHAT IF the filmmakers know they can’t outsmart us so they aren’t even trying anymore and what if all the above things ARE ACTUALLY TRUE. And to add insult to injury we have Hamill trolling us on Twitter.
— @HamillHimself (@HamillHimself) October 10, 2017
Dammit. I guess I’ll just be over here in a fetal position until December 14 (yes I have my midnight tickets already).
Thoughts on The Last Jedi trailer? Let me hear ’em!