I know, I know, I was supposed to recap this episode last week. The week ran away from me! But it’s here now! This episode made my heart hurt a little bit. If someone told me that most of the drama in this episode, caused by mommy dearest, was totally real and unscripted, I would believe it. There have been a number of momzillas this season, but all of them seemed forced. This mom … I don’t know. I felt for this bride.
***NOTE*** There’s SO much crying in this episode that I can’t keep up with our drinking game. You should just go ahead and get drunk now.
Meet Darlene and Rafael.
They want a Las Vegas, glitzy wedding.
… with a light up dance floor!
This is Robin, aka Momzilla.
Robin disagrees with everything her daughter wants for the wedding.
This is what our couple think’s of mom’s
Darlene explains that her dad is not in the picture, so she wants her Uncle Steve to walk her down the aisle, but Uncle Steve and Mama aren’t speaking to each other. Mama jumps in and says that if Uncle Steve shows up to the wedding, she will walk out, so her daughter has to choose between her or Uncle Steve. Rut roh.
David tells his team to figure it out, then jumps on board the Tuteramobile …
… where he beats up on Head Tuteraette Alyssa.
David “surprises” our couple at a neon light prop shop, where we are supposed to believe our couple was shopping for super expensive gigantic neon lights for their wedding.
But wait …
Mama is crying already!
Mom is upset because she wants her daughter to have a more traditional wedding. So she’s CRYING about it.
Darlene points out that her mom has never been married and may be projecting her own wants onto her daughter. Maybe?
David brings up Uncle Steve and mom looses it again.
David tells everyone that the bride is trying on dresses. The bride has been afraid to try on wedding dresses, for an undisclosed reason (but we can probably all guess).
And, omg, mom starts crying.
Allegedly there was just some discussion about the guest list and there is some, how shall we say, discord. Sis seems amused by it all.
Darlene comes out in dress #1.
But it doesn’t go well.
Darlene is feeling a little overwhelmed and it’s affecting the way she feels about the dress.
Mom is emotionless, and I’m beginning to understand the bride’s problems, I think.
David takes Darlene aside and learns the truth. Darlene isn’t comfortable trying on dresses with her mom! Der doy!
So David sets up an appointment in an actual bridal shop with Darlene, sis, and grandma.
Oh, how I love grandma! Grandma is everything mom should be.
The bride talks about how happy she is to have Grandma here. Grandma confirms that mom is BITTER that her daughter is having a wedding and she never got one.
Oh geeze, now sis is crying!
David get’s down to business about the whole mom thing. We learn that mom kicked Darlene out when she started dating Rafael, so Darlene went to stay with grandma. Mom pulled the “it’s him or me” card, AGAIN. Seeing a pattern with this person? Mom also missed Darlene’s high school graduation because of all this. WHAT??????????
The tears start flowing again, but they feel justified this time.
Next we are in some kind of chocolate shop.
Everyone is having a good time until mom says she is upset everyone went dress shopping behind her back.
So the chocolate guy tries to loosen the mood. “Heeeey, we all like chocolate, right?”
David is starting to freak out because mom is in a bad mood, and what she doesn’t know is that he invited Uncle Steve to meet up with them today, dun dun dun.
David brings up the whole walking-your-daughter-down-the-aisle thing, but mom won’t have any of it. If Steve is at the wedding, mom vows to walk out.
David tells her that if she goes through with this decision, she will regret it for the rest of her life, to which mom responds, “No I won’t.” Uggggh. This lady.
David goes and talks with Uncle Steve separately, who says that he will do “whatever the bride wants.” Uncle Steve is okay with putting aside his differences with Robin for a few hours. What a concept!
So David makes a call.
And Uncle Steve is “missing,” too, so David calls him. What’s with this family?
Eventually mom shows up with a new weave.
The bride gets ready and David presents everyone with some new David Tutera Embellish jewelry, of course.
Mom asks David who is walking her daughter down the aisle.
David says he doesn’t know at this point.
So while we wait to see if Uncle Steve arrives, David makes small talk with the bride.
Oh hey! Look who shows up!
Momzilla does not approve.
Vows and junk …
Mama still sour ….
After the ceremony, Mama runs and cries to her friend Lawrence, who is SO IMPORTANT he can’t take his bluetooth off during a WEDDING.
After the wedding, Lawrence and his bluetooth receiver confront Uncle Steve.
Backstage, the bride and Uncle Steve have a heart to heart. Steve is basically all like, “Yo, I’m out of here, your mom is whack.”
BUT WAIT. This all allegedly happened before the reception. But I noticed something ….
In the next scene, at the reception reveal:
So if I’m putting on my reality show detective hat, I would venture to guess that the scene with Uncle Steve was filmed AFTER the wedding reception. Nice try, WE TV. I’ve been watching television for 33 years; you can’t pull one over on me. CONTINUITY.
The couple loves their reception space!
Especially the light up dance floor!
The reception starts and Mama is still not having any of this.
What do you think about the circus performers, Mama?
David is worried when Momzilla comes over to him.
But instead she thanks him for making her daughter happy. What?