Welcome to a new season of
aka: The Time David Stripped Down to His Skivvies
I had mixed emotions about another season starting up. These recaps are exhausting, y’all. And I’m in the middle of MOVING and if you saw how much crap I own, you would understand the current state of insanity in which I live. But, as I was watching this first episode of David Tutera Unveiled, I went from this …
to this ….
The early verdict? It’s not as bad as last year. That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement, and the show is still a far cry from the awesomeness of the MFW hey day, but it’s …. not bad. The show is now less about the bridal couple and more about David’s life. Like getting spray tanned in the shower in his skivvies.
Oh, we will come back to THAT later.
This recap won’t be like my past recaps – ain’t nobody got time for that. I’m just going to highlight my favorite scenes and faces. The downside is the episode might not make sense. So, to help you follow along, I’ve created a basic outline for this episode, and I’m going to go out on a limb and guess the rest of the episodes will follow this pattern.
1. David is a busy guy! And he’s going through a lot, you guys. He lives in L.A. and he’s going through a divorce and he’s having a baby. AND planning weddings. Whew!
2. David reviews three wedding applications and picks the couple he finds least boring.
3. David meets with the couple and whatever various family members are TV-worthy.
4. Hey, David does interesting things OUTSIDE of weddings, too! And he does it with sass. We’ll showcase some of that here.
5. Back to wedding planning stuff.
6. David shows up at venue, hates everything Alyssa has done so far, tells her to fix it. Alyssa stresses about fixing everything with less than three hours to the start of the ceremony.
7. Everything is fixed and the wedding looks perfect.
8. Bride does something crazy during the wedding that David wasn’t expecting. David handles it like the pro he is.
9. Credits roll.
Got it? Great. Let’s go!
We catch up with David who is now living and working out of his Los Angeles home with his dog Lucy and live-in “house manager” Gaby. Alyssa shows up and they look at three potential clients: A couple who wants an outdoors camp wedding where everyone brings a tent and camps out. (“I hate camping” – says David.) The second application is for a bachelor party in Cabo San Lucas. (“I hate bachelor parties” – says David.) The third couple is a “fiery Latina” who compares herself to Gloria on Modern Family, which makes me hate her already. David thinks she seems “fun” and agrees to plan her wedding.
Next we meet said bride, Marcela, at her home ….
Along with her groom, Steve, who is just casually standing around the living room, with the fire going, in Spring in Los Angeles. Totally normal.
They start to talk wedding stuff. Basically bride is a control freak and is nervous about giving David control of their wedding. So naturally you should apply to be on THE SHOW WHERE DAVID TAKES CONTROL OF YOUR WEDDING. *ahem*
David has a crazy idea. He proposes Marcela pick out Steve suit, and Steve pick out Marcela’s gown, and neither of them can see it until the wedding. After some dramatic hand wringing, Marcela agrees.
But, let’s talk about what’s really important. HOLY SMOKES, THIS CHAIR. I LOVE THIS CHAIR.
Look at the little sparkles in there! And the pattern and the color. It looks so comfy. I want it. I need to find these chairs.
But I digress.
I’m skipping over the part where Marcela picks out Steve’s suit, and let’s go right to dress shopping. It seems Marcela can’t handle the suspense and wants to see her dress.
The bride is able to find her groom’s location because she can track him by the GPS on her phone.
The bride shows up and they blindfold her and tell her she can’t see or touch the dresses. Does anyone else find it WEIRD that St. Pucchi has a branded blindfold at the ready? I mean, is there a recurring need for such a thing?
Here’s dress #1:
Here’s a picture of the bride trying to find her way back to the dressing room on her own, for my own amusement.
Dress #2.
Dress #3.
The bride hates everything, basically, because she can’t see them and she’s very dramatic about it.
Next David visits the couple at their home to shoot a wedding video and the bride insists on giving David a spray tan (her profession). The following set of pictures need no words.
Okay. That same night is David’s surprise party at Drag Queen Bingo in West Hollywood. David is orange.
It actually is the red lighting in the restaurant but the show plays it up.
Sandy is there.
Then David is invited up to call out the numbers for bingo. Side note: I went to this same place for Drag Queen Bingo a few years back and called a false bingo. The punishment was being paddled by a man who was much, much prettier than I was. And it was NO JOKE, that ish hurt. I have a picture somewhere but I can’t find it. If I locate it in the move, I’ll post it here.
It’s wedding day. David sees the venue and isn’t happy.
David reveals bridesmaids dresses …. ooh, sparkly.
Now it’s time for the gown reveal … which one will it be?
It’s this one!
The bride approves.
Okay, it’s wedding time!
But before the wedding the couple does the traditional “First Look” in the darkest, dankest stairway they could find.
Check out the train on this sucker, yikes.
I don’t know what to look at, the train or David’s jacket. #doubleyikes
But before the ceremony gets started, David reveals the space.
If you’re playing our drinking game, take Shot #1. So little crying in this episode. Not much fun.
Can I just take a second to talk about fog during weddings? I can’t stand it. It doesn’t look like clouds; it looks like smog. And when I was in high school show choir, we used a fog machine and that stuff stinks. It’s hard to talk while inhaling (let alone sing, for that matter). Let’s just stop with this, okay?
At the end the bride surprises David with a costume change ….
… for a special choreographed dance with her groom.
Then the showgirls arrived.
And there was more crying. Shot #2.
THE END.
Sooooo what did everyone think of this episode, and the new show format in general? Do you think this season will be better than the last? Or do you long for the “good ole days?”
While you ponder your answers, here’s a few Faces of David for ya!
