“My Fair Wedding: Unveiled” Recap – Mexican Polynesian Bride

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My Fair Wedding: Unveiled
Mexican Polynesian Bride

aka: The Episode Where the Bride Didn’t Want to Dance and Have Money Thrown at Her
(And Everyone Thought She Was the Unreasonable One)

HEY Y’ALL!  Welcome to this week’s MFW:U recap.  I’ll be brutally honest with you all right out of the gate – I’m not sure I have the energy to keep up with these recaps.  First of all, when I did these recaps before, I was running two blogs.  Now I’m running three blogs, getting my butt kicked at my day job, dealing with my dying cat, and have a pretty demanding internship.  PLUS, I hate to say it, but I don’t think this “Unveiled” shtick is going to get any better.  This was another SNOOZER of an episode where drama was created out of nothing and I was bored to tears.  And and and … I didn’t think the design was that great.  YEAH, I SAID IT.  I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU, TUTS, OR YOUR SUPER FASHIONABLE AND SKINNY AND PRETTY TUTETTES.  Yeah. Not scared.

So, I don’t know.  If you all really like them and want to keep reading them, then I’ll keep doing them.  (And I’m pretty sure that as soon as I stop recapping them, the show will get 1000x better.  Murphy’s Law and all that.)  If you’re out there, and you’re still enjoying the show and the recaps, leave me some comment love, so I know I’m not driving myself completely wonkers for nothing.

ANYWAY – Let’s get started.

Tutera and the Tuteraettes gather around the telly to watch a video from their next victims, er, couple.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

This is Erika.  She’s totally Mexican and she wants a Mexican themed wedding.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

And this James.  James is Samoan, which reminds me of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and now I’m distracted because suddenly I have the great urge to watch The Scorpion King with the sound off.

Erika and James are totally at odds with their wedding planning due to their super strong loyalty to their own heritages. She wants an all Mexican wedding, and James wants an all Samoan wedding.  I already pity their children.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

The bride wants a mariachi band to play as she walks down the aisle, which makes David do this:

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Erika shows off her paper flowers ….

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

A disapproving glance is exchanged.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

(For the record, I totally love your paper flowers, Erika.  Come join us at DIYBride.com.)

Then Erika reveals her bridesmaids.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

I was waiting for them to change into their gowns, but apparently these are their gowns.  Erika explains she asked her bridesmaids to pick out their own dresses for the wedding. Oh. Alissa’s face says it all.

And then David’s face chimes in.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Then the bride tries on her gown, which is very ….

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Yeah.  See?  This recap is going pretty well so far; I don’t even have to type anything!

 Then Tutera turns to his ladiez and is all like, deal with this.  I’m out.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

“Laters.”

Once in So Cal, David “surprises” his couple at a family picnic.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Seriously?  If you’re going to pretend this is all a big surprise, please give your couples some acting classes.  Otherwise, don’t play your audience like we’re fools.  We know how television works.

Okay, anyway, David sits down with everyone and asks them about their wedding plans.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
“TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PLAAAAAAAANS!”

The Mother of the Groom steps forward and says she expects the bride (who is not her daughter and is not Samoan) to do the Samoan Money Dance at the wedding.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

She came prepared with the traditional dress, just in case a wedding planner and TV crew just happened to stop by.  *rolls eyes*

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
“Hell no.”

Oh wait, it gets better!  Here’s the traditional headdress.  Another item she carries with her everywhere she goes, I’m sure.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

MOG really feels passionate about this dance.  I mean, really.  What should we drink when the future mother-in-law cries?  A shot of a drink you don’t like?  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  (Disclaimer: My mother-in-law happens to be super awesome and this poorly constructed joke should not be taken as a reflection of how I feel about my own mother-in-law, just in case she’s reading this right now. *waves* Hi, Mom!)

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
“I just want my daughter-in-law to wear this ugly headdress and be totally uncomfortable at her own wedding, is that too much to ask?” 

David asks the bride’s parents what they want in the wedding, and they are just like, “We want a mariachi band.”  Cool.  These parents are chill.  I like them. Which means, we’ll never hear from them again.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

So David is all, Thanks for the tips, Imma talk with my couple alone now, peace out.”

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

When David gets them alone, he asks Erika how she really feels about the whole headdress thing, and she’s not a fan.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

And then James is all like, I don’t want a mariachi band at the wedding and the bride flips out.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

David gestures to where the stress level between the couple is at.  Yeeesh.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Next David meets up with Erika and her bridesmaids to talk fashion.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

David’s all, “By the way, y’all don’t match at all and you’re not wearing those dresses.”

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

So then he has them try on three new gowns.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

David asks Erika which dress she likes the best, and she says the original black Mexican style dress.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
She does admit she likes the shorter dress but not the color, so David says he’s going to find out what other colors are available.
My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Then David takes a little nap …

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

… and wakes up to suggest they go get a drink.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

I like this new direction the show is going.  Have I mentioned Drunk David is my favorite David?

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Now that the bride is nice and relaxed, David breaks the news that he’s changing her gown.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

She loves it!

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

After the break, David meets up with the main Tuteraette Alissa to discuss wedding decor.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

David likes the large wooden pergolas and buys several of them.  You can do that when you’re THE Tutera.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Alissa brought a Mexican serape blanket and David kind of makes fun of it.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

So Alissa’s like, WTF, I brought it for the colors. And David’s like, Oh, okay.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
Then they play with the sacred headdress for a moment.
My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Then David shows us how he throws together such fabulous events …

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

All it takes is a little luck.

Next we meet up with our couple at a dance studio.  Oh man, they are REALLY pushing this dance on this poor girl, aren’t they?

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Now the awkward headdress.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Then, all of a sudden, as if she was urged on by producers, our bride breaks down … (take a shot!) …

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

 … and hides in the corner for a while.

David asks her what’s wrong.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

The bride basically feels overwhelmed and knows the dance is important to her groom, but it’s not her “thing.”  David basically has to school her and tells her she’s making it into a bigger deal than it actually is.

David’s Tough Love face.

It’s wedding day! HUGS!

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Surprise! You get teal bridesmaids dresses!  I hope you’re okay with that!

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

These magenta shoes are fab, no joke.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

And what bridesmaid is complete without some David Tutera Embellish jewelry.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

It’s hair and makeup time, from the fabulous team at Fairytale Hair and Makeup (who also did my hair and makeup for my wedding, holla!)

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

But! The bride has a minor freak out because she doesn’t like the front of her hair.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

She then turns on the innocent camera operator and tells them to turn it off …

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

… and takes a boob out, thinking this would keep this segment off TV.  Honey, taking your boobs out is what gets you on TV.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Why is our bride suddenly acting this way?  What’s in that cup?

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Oh … Attack of the Champers.

We get our first glimpse of the venue.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

MOG pays David a visit.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

She asks about the dance.  THE DANCE.  Ugh, WE GET IT.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

David’s all, look, you know she’s gonna do the dance but I have to pretend like she’s wild and unpredictable because that’s the premise of the new, revamped show, okay?

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

It’s ceremony time, way up in the Himalayas, apparently.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Did David really let the mother of the bride wear white?  Isn’t that, like, a MAJOR faux pas?

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

The couple is taken to their reception area which is very …. Mexican.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

The bride loves it.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

The bride’s family gets their wish.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride
“This wedding is so Mexican; this bizzitch better do the f***ing Samoan dance.”

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

After the first dance, all of a sudden the MOG grabs the mic.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Everyone is stunned.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Stunned!

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

S.T.U.N.N.E.D.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

The MOG actually brings up some other chick to do the Samoan money dance, and all the guests start throwing money at her!  I missed getting a screenshot of it because I was in the middle of the world’s longest eye roll.

So David tells Erika, you gotta do this dance.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Amazing! They had a custom made outfit at the ready the whole time.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride 

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

Whoa guy. Keep it classy.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

All’s well that ends well, I guess.  This episode really confused me.  Why was the dance such a big deal?  Why did the MOG have another girl do the dance?  Why did the groom have to take his shirt off?  And perhaps the biggest question of all, WHY DID YOU CHANGE THE FORMAT OF THIS GREAT SHOW??????

Sigh.

Am I jaded?  Maybe just exhausted?  This episode makes the Mermaid Bride seem like the Burlesque Bride.  Everything seems so fabricated and dramatic.  I hate drama for drama’s sake.  PLEASE!  To all the WE TV execs reading my blog right now: Bring back the regular My Fair Wedding!

At least there was no shortage of great Faces (and Hand Gestures) of David this week.  Please enjoy, and then leave me a comment with your thoughts on this episode.

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

My Fair Wedding: Unveiled Recap - Mexican Polynesian Bride

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