HELLO AND WELCOME to my recap of “My Fair Wedding.” Sorry this is a little late. You all know the drama. But, I think I have enough material to put a decent (aka HILARIOUS) recap together. If you enjoy my recaps, please leave me a comment and let me know!
*DISCLAIMER – I’m kind of having a bad week and I may be taking it out on this episode. Or maybe I just really, really was let down by this episode. You can tell me if I’m being unfair in the comments.
This is Sno E. (yes) and Kevin. Sno E. says she was named after Snow White and therefore she wants a Snow White Winter wedding. Based on her name I’m guessing Sno E. was born in a bathtub deep in the hills of Topanga Canyon, where she was home schooled and taught to put on makeup by gypsies. But now she lives in Reseda (818 power!) with a tiny dog.
|A tiny dog wearing a pink dress, the Valley Girl staple. Somehow this is all your fault, Drachkovitch.|
It seems that Sno doesn’t have a “thing” that evokes empathy from us, which is unusual for a MFW bride, although we have to assume that having the name Sno E. for 25 years deserves our sympathy.
Once David arrives, Sno shows (sno shows, sno shows, sno shows, say that three times fast I DARE YOU) him her table of Snow White inspired decor, which is basically black and white stuff and red apples.
At some point David makes a Seven Dwarves joke and this is when the bride informs us that she wants her bridesmaids to wear “dwarf” dresses and this is when we first see David’s “concerned face.”
Luckily for us and David, the bridesmaids dress doesn’t look anything like dwarf clothes, but David is still not a fan.
Then Sno comes out in her dress, which is SO NOT A WEDDING DRESS.
|OH HAY GIRL|
|“. . .”|
And then we learn that she is a PAGEANT GIRL and now the Real Housewives makeup make sense.
Next we see the wedding venue – her backyard.
|Concerned David is Concerned.|
After the break, David and Sno meet up at a mansion of some kind (?) and he tells her that his brilliant idea was to create a STORYBOOK FAIRY TALE for her. Really??? That’s the best you could come up with, producers? A storybook for the bride whose wedding is based on a fairy tale?
I really hate the cheeseball factor of this but, if I had to endure it, SO DO YOU.
|“She needed a brand new stunning ….”|
|BRIDAL GOWN?!??! *CLAPS* YAY ME!|
At least the Book of Cheese brought good news – a new wedding gown.
Ummmm … is it just me, or do all these dresses look the same? Even though they all look alike, Sno likes #1 and #2 the best.
Next we go to another part of the mansion and we have to endure the Book of Cheese again.
Now this is where my Time Warner App really fails me and things get a little fuzzy. I tried to piece it all together but there were signature cocktails and new bridesmaids dresses, all thrown together???
|THIS SEGMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY KORBEL, DUH.|
Bridesmaid Dress #1
They are all silver-ish … is it just me or is this episode really bori-zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Next at the Mansion From Which You Can Never Escape, the bride meets with a lady who makes scents. She is picking out a diffuser/candle situation for her bridesmaids, I THINK. Connection still fuzzy here. I don’t know what it is about this show that they like to make people smell things, but it amuses me greatly.
Next up on our never ending adventure is some food tasting.
|“Something something, food tasting.”|
Chef Do-Rag has created three dishes using *gasp* APPLES.
FINALLY (omg) we come to the last destination of this extremely long segment.
Oh it’s a romantic dinner with Kevin.
|Whoa there, Miss Shorty McShortSkirt|
|“It’s the white A-line one!”|
|“Yay, that’s the one I wanted!”|
Time for the big dress reveal!
|It’s the silver one!|
Not a joke, I thought those were antlers sticking out of the bouquet at first.
Our first glimpse at the ceremony space.
|This can’t possibly be the aisle, no one would be able to see anything.|
|Oh …. I stand corrected.|
|“Remember that time we got married next to a sleigh?”|
|The 1980’s want their lipstick back, but otherwise the bride looks fabulous.|
|“Remember that time we went to that wedding and stared at Douglas Firs the whole time?”|
|Can you spot the bride and groom in this picture? Neither can the guests.|
It pretty much looks the same, but with tables and chairs.
The sweetheart table is now where the alter was, which is actually pretty cool. Maybe the only clever thing about this wedding.
|(The lighting snow effect is actually pretty cool.)|
But wait, what’s this?!??!
There’s magic in the air …
REAL FAKE SNOW!
|The bride approves!|
UGH, THE BOOK but at least this is the last time.
AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE MOST BIZARRO PART OF THIS EPISODE.
Okay, okay okay, calm down. Apparently this is some kind of interpretive dance retelling of the story of Snow White.
With half naked lady dancers.
|This guy is a fan.|
|THE BRIDE, NOT SO MUCH!!!!!!!|
Seriously, look at her face! She is SO NOT FEELING THE CREEPY-ASS SNOW WHITE PLAY.
Let’s just have some cake and pretend this never happened.
Whew. Not gonna lie, this episode wore. me. out. What did everyone think of this wedding? Am I being unfairly judgmental?
While you think about it, here are some Faces of David.