“My Fair Wedding: Unveiled” Recap – Ancient Rome Bride

Oh hey, remember these recaps? I bet you think I forgot about them, didn’t you?  Naw, it’s just that I missed last week’s episode due to being in Vegas for Bloggy Bootcamp, and then I was, like, SUPER BUSY all week and didn’t get a chance to watch it … until now!  So here is a mini-recap for y’all.  I’m gonna try to move through this quickly so I can get to the totally awesome “Revealed” episode they showed this week.  I would honestly like to watch a Revealed episode of My Fair Wedding every week.  They are so vastly superior to these crummy episodes this season.  But enough whining, LET’S GO.

This Last week’s bride and groom were Kandice and Bryan.

… bridesmaids in a very un-Roman purple gown …

David wants to know why the angry man on TV is yelling.

 David tells his team that everything about their wedding sucks then gets on the plane.

David “surprises” his couple at a potential venue.

And then David asks them if they are ready to full on commit to an Ancient Rome wedding.

And then, without any warning ….

We are 10 minutes in and David already asks for a drink.

The bride announces she can’t have a drink OR eat pigs head because she’s pregnant.  *gasp*

After thoroughly grossing out the bride and groom, David puts a napkin over the pig’s head and proclaims their wedding will be pig-head-free.

Next David takes the bride and groom and her family to a costume shop to show the bride how ridiculous her toga idea is.

David asks them how they feel about their costumes, and the dad makes a joke about where he put his other gold wrist guard … if you know what I mean.

You hands are saying “stop,” but I know your heart is saying, “yes,” David.  You can’t fool any of us!

Then the bridesmaids come out in their Marilyn 50’s halter gowns.

The bride proclaims that she thinks everything looks really great, prompting David to make this face:

He then puts the guys in his fashion, and of course they look much better.

David points out that this is the first time he has seen the groom smile.

David then has the ladies try on two of his dress picks.

I think the red is pretty but the pink is sorta not flattering, at all.

Next we are trying on new bridal gowns and Kathy Ireland is there. But before we meet up with her, David asks his bride if she’s nervous about her father’s toast because he’s such a big personality.  Now that he mentions it, yeah, she is worried.  She asks David to talk to her dad about appropriate toast language.  FORESHADOWING.

Moving on.

The bride tries Dress #1 and doesn’t like it. Kathy suggests if she doesn’t like this style, she should try on another style.  BRILLIANT.

Then she tries dress #2, which everyone kinda likes (but I think it’s awful!)

Dress #3 is my favorite but the bride says she prefers her original dress over all three of these (sound familiar?).

Also, someone off camera asked David if Kathy was the bridal dress fairy, and he had to set them straight (“straight”).

 Next we see David working out at the gym.  Gee, I wonder if he will be interrupted?

Ring ring, oh hay, it’s the bride.

She has a VERY important question to ask and it CANNOT wait at all.

David asks Alyssa to arrange a meeting with the dad they can give him a little coaching on his toast.  They meet up at the world’s tiniest theater.

Dad is a firecracker and loves to tell jokes.

This particular joke was about a penis and a Rubik’s cube, that I will NOT be repeating here.  The dad LOVES talking about penis, perhaps even more than David does.

Also, Alyssa might be having some kind of stroke.

Okay, okay … focus.  Do your toast and don’t talk about penis.

“I’ll sure I’ll grow to love you, Bryan.” Nope, not okay.

“Thanks for not making me wear a toga, Kandice, because I couldn’t find the appropriate undergarments.” Okay, Imma stop you there. It’s not okay to talk about your underwear during your toast.

“I shaved my legs for this.”  Huh?  Why?

No, it’s not okay to pretend to forget the groom’s name.

David greets his bride and asks how she’s doing.

Of course you are.

David takes them to their dressing room to show off the gowns he chose.

WHADDYA THINK?

Ugh. And then she starts crying because she wants her dress.  (Take shot #1 and keep that liquor bottle handy.)

David, shame on you for making your pregnant bride cry.

David tells the bride he conveniently has one more gown that she didn’t get a chance to try on, and he’s going to send one of his Tuteraettes to go pick it up, and I’m sure that gown that you’ve never seen before will magically fix everything, okay?

Anything else you’re worried about?

Oh, we’re still obsessing over the dad’s speech?  Really?

So David takes the dad to practice his toast, which makes dad nervous so of course he doesn’t do a great job.

David decides to stop by the bar for some on-the-job cocktails.

It’s two hours until the wedding, and the fake suspense is killing me.  Will the bride be happy with her gown?

Will the dad make it out of this dramatic hallway in time for his toast?

David gets the gown and shows it to the bride, who says she likes it despite not even trying it on.  Sure thing.

Since the ceremony and reception are in the same space, David decides to reveal the space to the bride and her bridesmaids prior to the ceremony.

More tears (shot #2).

They show us some pretty details of the wedding …

… including THE CAKE!  Yay!

It has little cherubs on it, awww.

The best part about this space is that there are no creepy human statues creeping me out.

The bride and her dad get ready to line up and now we see where the bride gets her emotional side from.

So take a couple shots for the Father of the Groom crying.

And then one more for the bride’s third time crying.

And #5 …

And #6.  Still with me, or have you passed out yet?

 David politely tells the chef to slice the pig backstage.  No pig heads allowed at the reception.  Kthxbye.

Okay, it’s the MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.  Dad’s toast.

David hangs out over by the naked butt and has a drink.

And David reacts accordingly.

And then rides a scooter???

THE END.

Well, that was a weird ending.  Overall I liked this episode because it wasn’t overly dramatic and it had some good laughs.  The wedding itself was pretty lackluster.  Too much gold and white.  An accent color would have been nice.

And now for your Faces of David: