Today is my birthday. I am 38. It’s not really a big deal to turn another year older, since I’m now of an age where I can’t remember how old I am half the time. Honestly, if I had found out I was turning 37, or 38, or 39, I wouldn’t have been shocked.
So to mark this incredibly uninteresting birthday, and to try to help me remember my age this year, I thought it would be fun to create a list of 38 wishes I’d like to see in the world.
My Birthday Wishes
1. World peace, no violence, no homelessness, no racism, no one goes hungry.
2. All my friends get everything they’ve ever wanted.
3. More cats.
4. Foundation that doesn’t come off when I blow my nose.
5. Drinking wine with breakfast is socially acceptable.
6. Literally anyone else as president.
7. Eating carbs makes you lose weight.
8. Tiny House Hunters channel.
10. No pumpkin spice anything until after September 22, when it’s actually fall.
11. Emails that begin with “Dear Blogger” are automatically deleted.
12. Tina Fey = BFF
13. Krispy Kreme delivery with 24/7 availability.
14. Gray hair actually makes you appear younger.
15. No more Mercury in Retrograde.
16. Xanax in the water supply.
17. Crafting with glitter doesn’t create such a horrible mess.
18. Scrolling through Facebook earns you money.
19. Tears taste like cotton candy.
20. Snapchat flower crown filter but IRL.
21. I could just relive my wedding day over and over.
22. Disneyland is free but only for anyone who truly believes in magic and not for haters.
23. Star Wars Land open right now.
24. Luggage that automatically packs for you.
25. Whenever someone says “Yeah but ALL lives matter” they get a small non-harmful but annoying electric jolt.
26. When you hit 10,000 steps in one day you get a parade in your honor.
27. Allergic to broccoli instead of all grasses and trees.
28. Your eyesight gets BETTER with age.
29. Cars that run on happy thoughts.
30. Worldwide free wifi.
31. Using non-relevant hashtags on Instagram pictures is a punishable federal offense that includes jail time.
32. To-do list does itself.
33. Milk and Honey Funnel Cake available at all restaurants everywhere.
34. The heads of my enemies.
35. In-house chef but they only make recipes that include cheese.
36. If I just close my eyes and think about it really hard, I’ll automatically learn how to use Photoshop.
37. More Mulan merchandise.
38. Happiness for everybody all the time.